Mama Matters - Dealing with Mum Rage

This week I got the rage. The Mum Rage. Proper shouty, snappy, having to walk away kind of rage. I really didn’t want to boil over and have Fox see me like this, but there were more than a few occassions when I just couldn’t stop it.

toddler tantrums and mum rage www.awesomemamaillustration.com

Kids can really push our buttons, can’t they? How many times can you take them screaming for a biscuit, to ask them to put on their shoes, to stop the whiny demands?! I felt like a monster last week. I genuinely felt that I could feel my cortisol levels rise and rush through my veins. I absolutely hate feeling like that. A few weeks ago we had a ‘Sunshine’ week, called so after the days of Wonder Weeks, where we were always blaming this thing or that on the fact that he was probably in a leap. Yet it all felt like one giant leap to be honest!

I took to Insta to vent my rage and ask you about it. Some of the replies helped me calm down, see clearly, and more importantly, to know I wasn’t alone. I hope these comments help you too if you’re seeing red…

I’m very guilty of it [Mum rage]. I’m ultimately ‘bad cop’ Their Dad left us and gets to be Mr.Fun with no rules and I’m the one juggling chores, bills, discipline and homework. It’s hard not to be bitter and then be angry.

She has so much energy and needs to be entertained constantly or she gets bored easily. Which is hard when you’re trying to sort them both [kids] out and the house at the same time. I scream and shout daily which is never the kind of Mum I wanted to be. I also feel ridiculously anxious 95% of the time.

I just didn’t realise it would be THIS hard.

I know I was brought up having smacks as a kid and it being threatened as punishment and have always purposely not wanted to do it. But it’s hard because with an adult you’d use reason/arguement instead but a kid won’t listen so it’s hard to know where to go/what do it instead!

Remember their job is to keep pushing until they find the limit. Being sure on limits is comforting. Try and find a way of making them clear without feeling like you’ve failed.

That last one helped me so much. I hope it helps you too. Thank you to everyone who took the time to chat to me about Mum Rage and make me feel less alone.

When it got really bad I sat down and wrote about it. Reading it back the next day helped me see how it’s a fleeting moment. Some days will be tough, reaaly tough. But the next one may not be as bad.

I often take myself out of the situation. Fox knows I’m really cross if I just walk away and sit by myself. That usually happens after a big shout to be honest, but after that, he doesn’t seem to be as bad. I think sometimes it’s good for them to see us get upset. Especially if we can compose ourselves afterwards and be friends again. Last week after a particularly hard stand off between us, I said to him ‘Can we be friends now?’ and he pulled me into him and said ‘I love you so much’. So may the last comment of encouragement, from above, really does work?!

Do you get Mum Rage? Have any good coping strategies when they push you close to the edge? Leave a comment below, I’d love to hear from you.

-SWM